


Sub Rosa Symphony

by wasabi_girl1



Category: House M.D.
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-15
Updated: 2010-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:12:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasabi_girl1/pseuds/wasabi_girl1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of fics focused on House and Cuddy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Malignancy

**Author's Note:**

> I have taken up the challenge at the 12-fics community on Livejournal, and I have chosen House and Cuddy as my pairing. This is a collection of all of my works related to this challenge. Each piece has a prompt or theme associated with it. I will update periodically, and I hope you enjoy the fics! Please read and review. :)

I have taken up the challenge at the 12-fics community on Livejournal, and I have chosen House and Cuddy as my pairing. This is a collection of all of my works related to this challenge. Each piece has a prompt or theme associated with it. I will update periodically, and I hope you enjoy the fics! Please read and review. :)

* * *

12\. death

Malignancy

There were days when Dr. Lisa Cuddy would walk through the halls of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, her hospital, and she could smell death. It shrouded every corner, hid in every room, stained the cheek of every loved one.

It was those same days that Cuddy avoided the ORs. It was those days that Cuddy did not visit Wilson or any of the other Oncology staff. It was those days that she even chose to forego her visits to Pediatrics. There was only one place she would find herself on those days.

Travelling up the stairs, she turns the corner, eyeing the conference room of Diagnostics. Chase, Cameron and Foreman were nowhere to be found, but as she reached the main office, she found a man lying back in his chair, deep in thought.

She enters, stepping closer to him, but didn't say a single word.

"If you're wondering how the patient is, Cuddy, don't worry. I've got the kids on it."

She lets out the breath she had been holding and moves to sit on his armrest. He absent-mindedly shifts his arm, making room for her.

"What did he have?"

"Gelineau's syndrome and a major lack of potassium."

She tilts her head up in thought, and then lowers her gaze back to him. "Thank you."

He smirks. "I didn't save the guy's life for _you_."

She shakes her head in exasperation. "And you didn't do it for _him_ either."

"Point duly noted."

They let the silence emanate between them, if only for a single moment.

"You did a good job." Her voice is warm and he turns towards her.

She squeezes his arm, causing him to give her a puzzled look. But she simply smiles back.

"You're welcome, Cuddy."

She walks out of the office of Dr. Gregory House, the only man she knows who can defy death, and on this day, she feels just a little bit better.


	2. Leaving Some Things Unsaid

08\. storms

Leaving Some Things Unsaid

_A hundred thousand words could not quite explain  
So I walk you to your car and we can talk it out in the rain_

House found himself staring out the window, watching raindrops stain the glass. He had fixed his patient and sent his fellows off hours ago, but somehow he found himself unable to head for home. He simply closed his eyes and listened to the symphony of the silent shower.

It seemed as if it had been years since he had just let himself give in. It had been years since he had lost himself in a reverie, years since he had truly let himself go. It had been far too long since he had let everything else slip away and had just _listened_.

He stood there for seconds, minutes, hours; he would never be sure how long. He felt the day's events wash away along with every single droplet as they slowly yet surely made their journeys.

And in the distance, he caught a lone figure, motionless, soaking in the downpour. He didn't need a closer look to know who it was. He could recognize her from any distance.

* * *

"_Lisa Cuddy, I have to say, I am disappointed in you."_

_The young woman opened her eyes to find the taller man approach her, grin affixed on his face._

_The campus was empty, students scurrying away to find shelter. She stood, transfixed, her damp hair curling about her face, her clothes drenched. She was wet from head to toe._

_"What would your mother say if she knew you were out here in this storm? And without a coat, no less?" He scolded her._

_He wasn't sure if she had heard him, or if she had simply chose to ignore him. "I like the rain." She admitted._

_"What can possibly be enjoyable about getting soaked to the bone?" He scoffed._

_She smiled. "It's the only time anyone can truly be left to their thoughts. The only time anyone can really be left alone."_

_The man shrugged. "But you're not alone, not even now."_

_She looked up at him, thoughtfully. "Then I guess another good thing about the rain is that it shows you who's company you really enjoy." She added with a smirk._

_He couldn't be bothered to hide his smile._

* * *

House leisurely made his way to the parking lot, finding Cuddy tucked under the hospital roof, deep in thought. She absent-mindedly stuck her hand out, allowing the raindrops to caress her palm.

"How come this time you're taking shelter? I was hoping for a sneak peak of the twins!" House complained loudly.

Cuddy snapped out of her trance, turning quickly towards House, the shock evident on her face.

"House?"

"The one and only."

He stepped closer to her, huddling close to her warmth. They looked to each other, unsure, uncertain, undecided. They were drenched, drowning in the words that were unsaid, the words they could not find.

They felt themselves breathe in deeper, both hoping that neither one could tell.

Finally, Cuddy smiled and looked up at House. "I brought an umbrella this time. Think we can both fit?" She unfolded it and raised it above their heads.

She pulled him closer, her hand still ice cold and moist. Unable to discern whether the brush of her lips on his cheek was accidental, he wrapped his arm around her waist, shifting his weight slightly.

"We just might." He mumbled back.

As they walked to her car, he marvelled at how much had changed in their lives.

And just how much had stayed the same.


	3. What Happens Outside WebMD

15\. Online

What Happens Outside WebMD

_WhoDaMan is requesting to chat._

LovelyCuddles: Hello?

WhoDaMan: LovelyCuddles? Who are you trying to kid? Sure, you wanted to use your initials, but FunWithTheFunbags would have been so much more appropriate, don't you think?

LovelyCuddles: House? Oh god…how did you find me? On second thought, don't answer that…

WhoDaMan: I just searched for "desperate" and your name came right up!

LovelyCuddles: Ok, well, you had your laugh, now can you leave me alone? I have to deal with you at work; please don't make me have to deal with you at home too.

WhoDaMan: Aw, but we always have so much fun together, Cuddles.

LovelyCuddles: Don't call me that.

WhoDaMan: But the more I think about it, the more it suits you. Though I'm sure most of the guys you talk to on here aren't thinking about cuddling…

LovelyCuddles: House! My social life may not be glamorous, but at least I HAVE one!

WhoDaMan: Ooh, Cuddy's pulling out the big guns, caps lock and all!

LovelyCuddles: Can't you go bother someone else?

WhoDaMan: Nope. For some reason Wilson's mad at me. Something about me hacking into his MySpace account? I don't remember, I wasn't really listening…

LovelyCuddles: Ok, I'll tell you what, you never bug me on here again, and I'll give you two hours off clinic duty.

WhoDaMan: Bribing me? I'm shocked.

LovelyCuddles: Extortion is the only language you understand.

WhoDaMan: But what are mere clinic duty-free hours compared to the hours of fun I can have here with you?

LovelyCuddles: House…GO AWAY!

WhoDaMan: Fine, you big meanie. :(

LovelyCuddles: Go whine somewhere else, House.

WhoDaMan: …

WhoDaMan: Oh, and by the way, don't try changing your username and hiding from me. I've got a pile of embarrassing pictures of you just lying around, and I know how to use them!

_WhoDaMan has logged off._


	4. Four Dreams Cuddy Never Had

17\. night; evening

Four Dreams Cuddy Never Had, And One She Did

_He sat silently, engrossed in his piano, as she entered the room._

_Upon hearing her, he looked up, his fingers continuing to glide over the keys. The melody was beautiful, and somehow, she just knew he was playing for her._

_She slowly made her way towards him, sat beside him, watching him as he skilfully played. Soon, he found himself singing softly along with the tune, his voice barely a whisper in her ears._

_His hands continued to travel swiftly as his eyes locked with hers. Dark grey with the perfect twinge of blue; she was mesmerized._

_One of his hands left the piano, only to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes and sighed softly. The song continued in the background. His hand slowly pulled her close to him as his lips finally met hers._

_His kiss was as gentle as the song he was playing, and just as captivating. She closed her eyes tightly as he finally stopped playing. _

_They reluctantly broke apart, and she saw his eyes sparkle._

_He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Sunlight was already filtering into her room, stirring her from her reverie._

* * *

"_You can't do this, Cuddy, not now!" _

_"What do you expect me to do, House, roll over and just let you win? I have a hospital to run here, and I am not letting you run me into the ground" Cuddy was adamant. She wasn't backing down this time._

_"You're being an idiot!"_

_"And you're being a child. You're a doctor, you have to realize that sometimes you don't have all of the answers."_

_Without another word, he grabbed her hand, pulling her out of her office._

_"House! What the hell do you think you're –"_

_"Shut up." He growled, as the nurses and patients nearby looked on at the scene in confusion._

_He dragged her into the exam room of his patient where his fellows were already waiting. The man in the bed looked sickly and was shivering, unable to speak. It was a horrific sight._

_"House, if you came here to browbeat me into caving in, I'm going to have to disappoint you."_

_"Look at him! You're killing him, Cuddy, you and your regulations!"_

_Cuddy opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by the sound of erratic beeping. The patient began to convulse violently. House made a move for the crash cart._

_"Don't even think about it, House. He's DNR!" Cuddy ordered._

_House eyes grew wide in shock before his face contorted into pure anger._

_"He's dying! Who the hell cares if he's DNR? We need to do something before –" House shouted._

_But he stopped short before finishing his thought. The patient had already flat-lined._

* * *

_She held on to the edge of the desk, hoping its stability would keep her standing. She was shaken and anxious._

_"I'm an idiot. I can't believe how stupid I am."_

_He took a step closer. "Cuddy, if it hadn't been for you, he would be dead. You saved him."_

_She looked up at him, no longer caring that there were tears in her eyes. "I almost killed him! I have no right to claim I saved his life. If it wasn't for you I would have…"_

_She couldn't say anymore. _

_He made a sudden move and took her in his arms. "It's ok…"_

_House's words were soft and gentle, like nothing Cuddy had ever heard from him before. She finally broke down, waves of tears cascading down her face. _

_The more she cried the tighter he held her. Cuddy buried her head in his chest, letting the tears escape as his hands curled around her waist._

_Without another word, he swiftly pulled her closer. Suddenly, he was kissing her, surprising her out of her pain. His kiss was intense and she found herself melting into his touch._

_He quickly broke away, and levelled his eyes with hers. Crystal blue oceans of ice reflected her soul. Cuddy saw in his eyes things she had never seen there before. _

"_I couldn't have done it without you. I need you, Cuddy." His voice was uncharacteristically quiet, his touch comforting._

_Cuddy looked up at him and smiled as his finger traced her cheek. He smiled back, and she knew everything was going to be ok._

* * *

_"House." She started as she entered his office. "I need you t-"_

_She felt the air from her lungs catch in her throat as his body pressed against hers. Wedged between the wall and the warmth of his advances, she felt her shock melt away, forming something far more tangible._

_Without another word, his lips pressed to hers. She heard a muffled thump somewhere beside her as his cane dropped to the floor and his other arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer._

_His kiss grew deeper, more sensual, but he was patient. Slowly and steadily he tasted her mouth, exploring the sweet flavour. She sighed softly, the sound lost in the depths of her throat._

_Her hands grappled his shoulders as she sought balance, anything to ground her. She was amazed that they had yet to tip and fall, but his grip was secure. They weren't ready to stumble. Not now. Not ever._

_They broke off, his eyes boring into hers._

_"Good morning to you too…" She mumbled in a daze._

_He smiled warmly, an expression she was not accustomed to seeing on his face._

_"You were saying, Cuddy?"_

* * *

_Cuddy lay still and silent, letting the sun soak through her skin. The grass she was lying on was soft and comforting._

_The world was waiting, unwilling to make another move. It was peaceful, it was serene. It was everything that her life was not._

_And in the crook of her arm was a small child with long blonde curls and bright eyes. Her eyes were closed, but a smile played lightly on her lips. She was beautiful._

"_Mommy…" She heard the whisper and her heart swelled. She now knows no other name. She will never love another more._

_The young girl stood up, and grinned playfully. She held out her hand, taking Cuddy's in her own. _

_And Cuddy let her lead the way. For the first time in her life, she simply followed. She squeezed the child's hand lovingly. She had found the light of her life, and she would not let go._

_To her surprise, Cuddy finds herself alone in her large, empty bed, with the dawn painting a cruel portrait outside of her window. She awakes from her dream, the shadows of tears staining her pillow._

_Lisa Cuddy hopes that some dreams do come true._


	5. Accidental Promises

13\. movies; books

Accidental Promises

She hears a knock on her door. It is forceful and insistent. She sighs and pries herself away from her desk. She opens the door to find the last person she was expecting.

"Greg, what are you doing here?" She asks, somewhat shocked, but too tired to care.

"I'm here to make sure you're still alive. No one's seen you leave your room for days." He teases her, entering her room and closing the door behind him.

"I really don't have time for any visits. I need to get back to studying."

"I'm here to give you a little study break. I even brought a movie." He holds up his hand to reveal _Pretty In Pink_.

She is unable to hide a smile, giving him a sceptical look.

"I heard all the gals raving about this one, and since I'm such a gentleman, I am even willing to watch it with you. I'll try not to laugh, but I can't make you any promises." He says, taking a seat on her mattress.

"You know I can't. I have two more exams coming up and-"

"You've been at it for days, Lisa! Don't you think it's time you had a break?" He asks her, incredulously. She had been working herself so hard lately. "You really need it."

She looks at him, but doesn't say a word. She simply nods and takes a seat next to him.

She watches him as he puts the tape in. When had things gotten this way? When had she become so overworked that she had forgotten about having fun? She is glad Greg is there to bring her back into the real world, even if it is just for a few hours.

She smiles to herself. Greg was an odd one. He always shows up unannounced, rarely takes anything seriously, and never failed to make her laugh. She always knew what to expect from him, even if it meant she had to expect the unexpected.

She wonders just why he is so oddly appealing. She wonders when their fights somehow became a friendship. She wonders why he's always there, right when she needs him the most.

She looks back at the movie, letting her mind wander away from the troubles of the world.

"Benny's hot." He comments. She realizes she had dozed off. She looks over at him and he's waiting for her to respond.

"You fell asleep." He notes after giving her a quick once-over.

"Sorry…" She mumbles, looking up at him groggily.

"I bring you a chick flick, and you fall asleep? What's a guy got to do around here to get some appreciation?" He grumbles, but stops to find her laughing quietly.

"What?"

She shakes her head in exasperation. "I still can't believe you're here."

When had her life become so bizarre? How had he become the one person who knew exactly what she needed and when? She giggles, and their noses touch, and she is surprised to realize how close she's moved towards him.

Her hair is over her eyes as she looks into his eyes, the look on her face quickly softening. He smiles back, and leans in…

It's a small kiss, unsure and gentle, but she can't help but feel shocked. She's kissing Gregory House, and worst of all, she doesn't hate it. Instead she closes her eyes and draws him closer. She knows where this is going, but she doesn't want to stop.

He pulls back far too quickly and she snaps out of her daze.

"I'd better go."

He is out of her door before she can formulate her thoughts, before she can get a single word out. She waits a moment, wondering if he will come back, but she knows that he won't.

And so she heads back to her books and her desk. But somehow, she just can't keep herself focused for the rest of the night.


	6. Spin Cycle

04\. hot water

Spin Cycle

House sighed in exasperation. This was not how he had expected to spend his Friday evening, sitting in front of a washing machine pretending to enjoy reading whatever magazine he had brought from home. He would have much rather been catching up on all of the shows he had yet to watch on his TiVo. Or even sleeping. Hell, he would rather be at work than here.

His night was shaping up terribly. That was until he spotted a certain head of perfectly coiffed dark hair moving toward him.

"House, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question, Cuddy." House replied, hiding a smile from his face and putting his magazine down. This would be far more entertaining.

"This is a laundromat. People do laundry here. At least, those of us who know how to work a washer and dryer. I have no idea why **you** would be here." Cuddy shot at him as she began to place her clothes into the machine next to his.

"Now Cuddy, no need to be cruel. We're in a place of peace and tranquility. And utter boredom." House grumbled. "Anyway, why aren't you doing your laundry at home?"

Cuddy sighed. "The hot water has been out for a few days."

"What, so you're not taking showers either?"

Cuddy glared at him. "The hospital has showers."

"So there's no one to fix the problem for you? What about that guy…Alfonso?" House asked as Cuddy took a seat next to him.

"Alfredo? Don't you remember? You cut his hand off!" Cuddy looked at him in surprise.

"**We** cut his hand off." House corrected, tossing her a devilish grin.

"Only you would say that with a smile…" Cuddy mumbled.

House studied her face and realized that it was still a touchy subject for Cuddy. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, but he couldn't. Once he'd apologized it meant he did something worth apologizing for.

Instead he moved toward his washer and put his clothes into the dryer below. He was surprised when Cuddy stood and walked up next to him. She must not have been as upset as he thought.

"So, why are you doing laundry at all, House?" She teased.

House grunted in annoyance. "My parents are coming over. I don't want to hear them harping about clean sheets and wrinkled t-shirts."

"That's sweet." She said with a smile as he grimaced.

"Yeah, it's going to be quite the party." He muttered.

Cuddy moved to take her clothes out of the washer as House looked on. He took a step closer to her, peering into the machine.

"House, what are you doing?" She asked him in confusion.

"Where are those red thongs I love so much?" He questioned, moving his head closer to get a better inspection.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and opened the door quickly, right in House's face.

"Ow. You don't need to get violent, woman." He yelped.

"And you don't need to be such a pervert all of the time."

"I can't help it. Those thongs have grown very dear to me…" He sniffed dramatically.

"Sit down, House." Cuddy ordered, shaking her head.

He returned to his seat. "You know, you're not the boss of me here. Though I do love a woman who knows how to give orders." He raised his eyebrows at her playfully.

She simply sighed and finally took her seat next to him.

"What, you're not having fun?"

"This isn't exactly how I planned on spending my Friday night." Cuddy admitted gloomily.

House studied her for a moment. This wasn't how he had hoped to spend his evening either, but it hadn't been as terrible as he thought it would have been.

They spent a moment in silence, but House couldn't help but wonder what exactly she was thinking.

"Doing the laundry is so romantic, don't you think?" He said suddenly.

Cuddy gave him a sidelong glance. "What?"

"Well…this has been more fun than any date I've ever been on." House admitted.

She laughed. "House…" she said, shaking her head. "You are unbelievable."

"Why, yes, I am." He grinned. "So, Cuddy, what do you say we go grab some drinks? I think we've earned it after all of this hard work."

"House…"

"C'mon, we're on a roll. It's bad luck to cut a good thing short."

She gave him a hard look. "You're just trying to stall for time while your parents get here."

"Probably."

She smiled to herself. "Fine. You're buying."

She quickly put her hand in his pocket and took out his cellphone. "And I'm keeping this. Just in case they call."

"Women." He said, rolling his eyes and following her.

But he could not hide his smile. If he were honest to himself, he would realize that he was going to have fun. And maybe if he's lucky, he'll finally get to see one of those red thongs…


	7. Crossed Wire Panic Attack

16\. appointment

Crossed Wire Panic Attack

"What do you think they could be doing in there for so long?" Foreman turned to his co-workers.

"Who? What? Where?" House asked, though it was clear by the irritation he was displaying that he knew exactly what Foreman was referring to.

"Chase and Cuddy. She called him down to her office hours ago, and he's **still** not back! Even you aren't cold enough to not notice one of your fellows being unusually absent for this long" Foreman countered.

"Yeah, well, maybe I just don't care…" House grumbled back.

"What do you think they're doing, Cameron?" Foreman asked again, turning away from his disgruntled boss.

Cameron bit her lip. "I don't know. They could be doing anything. Maybe they're just doing a performance review or something like that…"

"Or maybe they're figuring out a way to overthrow you." Foreman shot a vicious look at House.

"They could be doing anything! Maybe they're having sex." House replied flippantly.

As soon as the words had escaped his mouth, House looked to Cameron. He saw the same look of panic mirrored on her face as realization dawned.

Without another word, House and Cameron bolted out of the office.

"Hey, where are you guys going?" Foreman called after them. But they were already long gone.

* * *

House and Cameron rushed towards Cuddy's office.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cuddy's secretary asked them, abruptly blocking them off from their destination.

"Move it, idiot." House growled.

The secretary just folded her arms over her chest. House couldn't help but be reminded of Cuddy taking the same stance against him a million times before.

"Dr. Cuddy is in a meeting right now. With Dr. Chase. You aren't on a case, so it can't be urgent. You two can wait."

"How long have they been in there?" Cameron asked, pleaded for an answer with her eyes.

She received a puzzled look. "A couple of hours, I guess."

House began to grind his teeth before he finally snapped. "Oh, screw it!"

He unceremoniously pushed the woman aside, making his way through the doors into Cuddy's office. He heard Cameron mumble a quick apology before she followed behind him.

They stumbled into the room to find –

"House, Cameron, what the hell are you doing here?" Cuddy asked. Her face shifted from confusion to concern and finally to anger. "You have no right to barge into my office like this."

Chase turned in his seat to look at House and Cameron. He was completely perplexed and his face reflected as much.

"W-what are you guys doing?" Cameron stuttered out anxiously. She poorly attempted to hide her alarm.

"They're doing their performance review. You were right, Cameron." Foreman's voice answered as he entered the office with a self-satisfied smirk set upon his face.

"Wait, what did you **think** we were doing?" Cuddy demanded, the irritation still present in her voice. She looked at her employees incredulously.

House and Cameron didn't answer. They simply looked away from Cuddy and Chase.

"Oh man, you two are ridiculous!" Foreman chuckled.

"What's going on?" Chase prodded.

"These two here were brainless enough to think that you and Cuddy were in here having sex…"

Chase looked at Cameron, wide-eyed. "You thought I was sleeping with Dr. Cuddy?"

"N-no. I don't know…" Cameron blushed.

"You were jealous!" Chase exclaimed triumphantly.

Cameron's embarrassment quickly turned into anger. "I was **not** jealous, Chase. Why the hell should I be jealous? I was the one who broke it off with you!"

Chase simply grinned at her smugly.

"Cameron, just admit it. You still have the hots for Chase." Foreman added.

"Augh!" Cameron stormed out of the office in annoyance as Chase and Foreman followed after her, laughing.

Cuddy shook her head watching her employees' drama unfold. She turned her eyes to the man in front of her.

"So, what are you doing down here, then? Worried about my honour?" She mocked.

"I was worried I'd never get a chance to fire Chase if you started sleeping with him…" House shot back, but Cuddy could tell he was trying to hide his relief.

Cuddy turned to him with a glint in her eyes. "Hmm, I see. You're worried that dealing with Wilson was hard enough, but if you had to fight Chase for me, you would never stand a chance."

"Shut up, Cuddy." House retorted, heading to the doors. She expected him to walk out, but instead, he shut them.

He turned to her with a shy grin, stepping closer than she would have liked. "So, Cuddy, when do I get my performance review?"

She didn't say another word. She simply turned away with a sly smile.

And shut the blinds.


	8. Interpolated

09\. mockery

Interpolated 

Wilson made his way to Cuddy's office. Things had taken a bad turn, and he knew that he had to do something before they became even worse.

"Cuddy, we need to talk." He walked toward her as she stared out of her office window.

"About House? About how he lost all of his fellows in the span of three days?" Cuddy asked without turning to face Wilson. He could hear a hint of resignation in her voice.

"So you heard…" He mumbled.

She sighed. "Of course I heard."

Wilson looked at her in disbelief. That was it? She wasn't going to do anything about this? This didn't seem like Cuddy at all. The Cuddy he knew fights to the bitter end.

"We need to do something about this, Cuddy. He's out of control." Wilson said in exasperation.

"What can I do? They're his staff. I can force him to hire new employees, but I can't force him to re-hire the ones he fired. Maybe this is for the best…"

"So you're just going to give up? You're going to give up on Foreman, Chase and Cameron? They're good doctors, they should be here, in this hospital. Doesn't that matter to you anymore?" He fumed. He had hoped she would be able to help. She was his only hope.

Cuddy finally turned to face him. "I tried, Wilson. I offered Foreman an amazing job opportunity that no one would ever refuse, but he did! They don't want to work here. And House doesn't want them here. That's not my business, it's theirs. Maybe the three of them will be better off working somewhere else. They've learned all they need to."

Wilson's eyes narrowed as he moved closer to Cuddy. "You are not allowed to make this alright. You can't just say the word and pretend it never happened. Nothing about this is right! House is just too stubborn and proud to tell them he wants them back."

"Then maybe he needs to start suffering for his mistakes. We can't keep covering for him, Wilson."

He shook his head. This was insane.

"You're right, Cuddy, you can't keep covering my ass."

Wilson turned around to find House entering the room. Great, just what they needed.

"Do you two have weekly meetings where you sit around and scheme about how to make my life miserable?" House mocked.

"House, this is serious." Wilson explained. "You have no one left working for you. You can't solve your cases on your own. And I know how hard it is for you to find anyone you are actually willing to tolerate."

House ignored Wilson and turned to Cuddy. "Do you want to know why I did this? Do you want to know why I pushed them all away?"

Cuddy said nothing, but nodded slightly.

"Wilson here told me that maybe I'm afraid of change. He told me that I was stuck in a rut. And he was right. So I decided it was time for a change."

"You cannot blame this on me, House!"

"I'm not blaming you, Wilson. You were right. This was what I needed to do."

Wilson gaped at him in shock. It was strange enough to hear House tell anyone that they were right, but his voice had also held such sincerity.

"You needed a change?" Cuddy asked quietly, and Wilson remembered that she was still standing there, pensive.

"Cuddy, you can't go behind my back and try to make things right. You can't keep doing that. For once, you need to trust my judgment." House explained softly.

Wilson felt himself caught in the middle. He studied his two friends for a moment, examining them as they held each other's gazes. There was something hidden, something that he was unsure had been there before. Or maybe it had always been there, he had just never seen it so clearly.

He couldn't help but feel out of place, as if he were watching a private conversation…

"You need to trust me."

Wilson shifted uncomfortably as there was a long pause, but neither noticed.

"Fine." Cuddy conceded, and Wilson was left wondering what exactly she had accepted.

"But you better make this work, House." She added. He could hear the authoritative edge return to her voice.

"Will do, boss." House nodded to Wilson, expecting him to follow close behind, and left.

Wilson waited a moment before turning back to Cuddy. He had too many questions to ask, and he was certain he wouldn't get anything from House.

But she had already turned away. Back to the visions outside of her window…

* * *


	9. Once Lost, Never Forgotten

02\. addiction

Once Lost, Never Forgotten

House walked unceremoniously into Cuddy's office. She looked up hesitantly, finding him silently gesturing.

"House, what in the world are you doing?"

He took a step closer, seating himself on her desk. "Anthony is coming by for a little visit, I hear. I'm just prepping."

She ignored the fact that House had once again entered into her private patient files. "He can lip-read, House. You don't need to use sign language."

"Sign language? No, those were just my warm-up stretches. These conversations we have can be a real workout." He made no effort to hide his sarcasm.

Cuddy just rolled her eyes in response.

* * *

Anthony had been one of the "lost souls", as House liked to call them. One of the ones that had gotten the best of him. One of the ones he hadn't cured. Well, that wasn't entirely true.

House had given Anthony back his life, but he had taken away the one thing that was most important to him. The one thing that made life worth living.

He had given him a fate worse than death.

* * *

"A deaf musician. That should be an oxymoron." House scoffed, but he knew she could see through his words. It was not sarcasm, it was respect. Admiration. Something he felt for very few people.

"Feeling guilty won't get you anywhere. You don't need this right now" She advised him.

"You're not exactly in any position to preach to **me** about guilt, Cuddy." He narrowed his eyes at her grimly.

"You don't owe him anything, House." She replied, her voice softening.

He tried to find comfort in Cuddy's words, but how could she ever understand? The passion and intensity that he had seen in Anthony as he delved deeply into the world of melodies and compositions rivalled his own.

Music, the only sufficient gift. Why hope for happiness? In so many ways, it was enough to hear such harmonies, extensions of the very soul, at the end of every day. Never too much, just enough to sustain; as essential as the air we breath.

Now, what can he hear? What can he render? Is he only left with memories of the songs he once cherished?

No, for a person like Anthony, life could be nothing less than hell. And House knew that he was the only one to blame for this fact.

"When he's done with all of his official business, tell him to come to my office."

House turned and left, not even waiting for Cuddy's reply.

* * *

"Why did you call me here, Dr. House?"

He refused to look Anthony in the eye and kept his back to the man, remaining seated at the large piano that was now situated in the middle of his office. "I wheeled this thing all the way over here all by myself just to hear you play, don't I at least get a 'thank you'?"

"Why is there a piano in your office?" Anthony's voice held no irritation or agitation, simply curiosity.

"I just told you why I –" House began, before realizing Anthony had no idea what he was saying. At the very least, he needed to see the words being formed.

He turned toward Anthony. He was a large, solid, poised man, neither light nor gruff, but House could see that the years were taking their toll as grey nipped at the strands of his once-young hair. "Sorry. Forgot about the lip-reading thing…" House mumbled.

"How could you forget?" Anthony shot back bitterly. "What do you want from me, House?"

"Play something."

"House, I'm deaf, I can't –"

"So was Beethoven. Didn't stop him. He made quite a name for himself, or so I've heard." House countered.

Anthony opened his mouth to reply, but changed his mind. He slid next to House on the piano bench and placed his hands in the familiar position.

It was a simple tune, but it was strong and assured. The sound of a confident musician, the sound of an experienced player. The sound of a man who had never forgotten a single note, even in all his years filled with silence.

His eyes rested sometimes on his hands, sometimes they remained closed. What he heard, what he imagined, House would never know.

Every note was in place, ordered, clear. There were no mistakes. No forced gravitas. How was it that he achieved every dynamic to perfection? Why was it that he could play so well what he could only hear in his own mind?

House closed his eyes and was certain he was listening to the past. These could not have been the trills of the same man he had crippled for life.

"It isn't a disability." Anthony stated, as if reading House's mind. "It's an obstacle, a hindrance, but it only makes me work harder." His determination was noble, impressive even.

"That's not always how it works out…" House disagreed, rubbing his leg absent-mindedly. He fingered the small bottle in his pocket.

"Do you still play, Dr. House?"

House said nothing; he simply nodded.

"Play something for me, something I've never heard before."

He gave Anthony a sceptical look. If he had never heard it before, what was the point in playing it for him now? But House knew better than to stand in the way of his irrational obstinacy.

House's fingers slid experimentally over the keys before he took a single deep breath and finally let go.

Lyrical, definite, devoid of his usual urgency. He sailed exactly and easily, triplets and staccatos, creating a rolling and assured tone. The notes came from memory, ingrained into his soul. His brain and heart fell into a rhythm of calm.

Fingers drew music from the keys as if to gather a sweet scent from a rose. Lovely, inexorable, phrase after phrase of pure perfection. A beauty beyond imagination, only things that Anthony would never hear.

But Anthony's head was down. He was deep in concentration, lost in a world House would never understand, a world he would never be willing to open up to.

"Who did you write this for?" Anthony asked, suddenly.

"Myself." House lied, curtly.

Anthony studied House and shook his head in disbelief. "You should play it for her sometime."

House stiffened slightly. He heard the strong click of high heels trail down the corridor and was thankful in that moment that Anthony was unable to hear any of it.

* * *

He sat alone at his piano and dry swallowed another Vicodin. It was strange to wilfully induce harm on oneself time and again in this way. But it was as if he was an outsider looking in, as if he was tempting fate to do its worst. It was not self-indulgence, it was defiance.

But where House had chosen pain, Anthony had chosen fortitude. He had created purpose. He would not run, he would stay and fight. House had left the whole world behind, but Anthony was finding his way back.

Lost in his thoughts, House was barely able to recognize the sound of knocking at his door.

She stood in his doorway, inquisitive. A small smile played upon her face as she wondered just what madness she was getting herself into this time.

"You wanted to see me?" Cuddy asked pleasantly, catching him off guard.

He paused, wanting to choose his words carefully, but he thought better of it. Words had never been his forte.

"Sit down, Cuddy."

His hands settled back onto the keys of the piano, and everything fell into place…


	10. Nothing Says 'I Love You' Like Cruising

10\. Road Trip

Nothing Says "I Love You" Like Cross-Country Cruising

"So Cuddy, tell me again why we're stuck in a car together for the next four hours."

"We're stuck in this car because the **last** time we went to a conference, you spent all of my money on your personal entertainment, so this time, I'm not even giving you the chance. We're going to drive to this conference and drive all the way back; no hotels."

"Aw, but honey, what about our hotel lovin'?" House pouted at Cuddy.

"Shut up."

He watched Cuddy struggle to hide the grin from her face.

"Muskurao."

"What?" She gave him a puzzled look.

"I thought a little Hindi would spice up this trip."

"No Hindi! I'm trying to drive here, House, and I'm having enough trouble dealing with you in English."

"Main kya karoon?"

"House!" She warned.

"Fine, no Hindi. Español es bueno…"

"House…don't make this any worse than it already is."

"¿Por qué no?"

She sighed.

"Ok, ok, how about the language of love?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"C'mon, Lis."

"Don't call me that." She grumbled.

"J'aime ton derriere."

Her eyes narrowed. "I know what that means."

"Oops." House grinned, giving her a little shrug.

"Since when did you learn Hindi, by the way?" Cuddy asked, changing the topic.

"It was the only way to overthrow the devious tyranny of the villainous von Lieberman." He declared proudly. Cuddy gave him an incredulous look. "That's the clearest answer I can give you."

This time, she could not suppress her laugh as she shook her head.

He watched her silently, studying her intently.

"You should laugh more, Lis." He said thoughtfully. And immediately regretted it. He really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut.

It was another one of those out-of-the-blue comments. Almost a compliment, coming from House. She could learn to get used to this…

"Don't call me Lis…" She warned, but he could make out the faintest blush upon her cheeks.

"You know you like it." He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively, hoping to throw her off.

She simply sighed and kept on driving. He really drove her crazy, and she would have to deal with it for hours to come. Hours.

She wasn't sure whether to be devastated or delighted.

"Ooh, Cuddy, wanna play 'I Spy'?"

Cuddy smiled to herself. Delighted or not, it was going to be one hell of a long trip.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> "Muskurao" – "Smile!"
> 
> "Main kya karoon?" – "What should I do?"
> 
> "Español es bueno." – "Spanish is good."
> 
> "¿Por qué no?" – "Why not?"
> 
> "J'aime ton derriere." – "I like your ass."


	11. Midnight Revelations

07\. procrastination

Midnight Revelations (Stargazing)

"What's up?" House limped into Cuddy's office and took a seat on one of her couches.

"Don't you have anything to do other than bug me?" Cuddy said without looking up, smiling in spite of herself.

House pointed his cane at her desk. "What's with all the boxes?"

Cuddy raised an eyebrow. "You mean you don't already know?"

"My sleuthing skills took a holiday and forgot to inform me."

Cuddy allowed herself a small laugh. "I'm leaving for a couple of weeks, thought I'd clean up a bit."

"Conference?"

"No. I just need a break, that's all."

"Oh." House replied dully.

"You remember to be a good boy and behave while I'm gone." Cuddy added sarcastically, hoping for the spitfire response she knew to expect.

"I'll do my best." House promised evenly. Without giving her so much as a glance, he left her office.

* * *

Cuddy settled onto her couch and sighed. She had two weeks free to herself, so why did she feel so empty? How was she supposed to spend two whole weeks without the duties and responsibilities she was so used to?

Her thoughts were cut short as she heard a motorcycle rev loudly in her driveway. She knew without a shadow of a doubt who it was.

Cuddy opened her door and stepped out. "House, what are you doing here?"

"Making sure you didn't skip town the second no one was looking. We all know your secret dream is to run off to Vegas and become a showgirl."

Cuddy crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't going to play these pointless games. "Why are you **really** here, House? You can't just show up at my door without an explanation."

House walked towards her unwaveringly, his eyes steadfastly holding an uncertain emotion. She felt her breath hitch as he brushed past her and took a seat on her front steps.

He patted the space next to him. "C'mon, there's room for two."

She reluctantly took the seat next to him.

"What's this 'break' all about, Cuddy?" He asked quietly.

She should have known that he would see through her, that there was more to it than she was letting on. Nothing ever got past the inimitable Gregory House.

"I…want to have a child."

"That's old news already."

"I need some more time to figure things out, to make sure I'm getting the best treatments possible, all of that." She explained.

"And?" House studied her intently. He could tell there was more to it than that.

"And…well, if I'm going to have a child, I have to seriously start thinking about cutting back on work."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"I might not stay at Princeton Plainsboro if I do successfully become pregnant." Cuddy felt a weight lift from her shoulders as she finally explained herself to someone. To him.

"You won't?" House gave her a sceptical look.

"Raising a child is an enormously demanding task. I can't do both and I want to be the best parent I can possibly be."

"So this is some sort of trial run? You want to see if you can handle two weeks without work?"

"Yeah, something like that." She murmured.

He realized that she was serious. She was actually considering leaving? After all of these years and all of the hard work, she wanted to leave it all behind?

Somehow he had always imagined she would be there, in that very same office toiling away late into the night like she always had.

House tried his hardest to push the feelings of jealousy away. Cuddy was willing to risk so much of her life for this child, this child that was still only a dream.

"But the hospital is your **thing**. It's what you live for."

"Not anymore."

He turned away from her stubbornly. He looked up at the sky – anywhere but at her – and watched the stars dance and shine.

Cuddy followed House's line of sight. "I can't handle everything on my own." She admitted, speaking to the clouds.

She had to be sensible. She had already achieved amazing things in her life, but now it was time for her to be just a little bit selfish. It was time for her to wake up and understand her reality. If she wanted to be given everything, she had to give everything up.

Including…

They paused in that one moment; they were aligning just like the stars in the sky.

"You don't need to do this alone, Cuddy."

She looked at him warily but her suspicions melted as soon as she saw his sincere expression. He wasn't there to hurt her.

"If you ever need any help, I'll be there."

She knew the words should have shocked her, but nothing had felt real lately. The soft glances, the harsh words, the never-ending competition, it all seemed so unreal. Were they still playing at this after so many years? Cuddy wasn't sure she still wanted to.

He had been there for her once before and even then she hadn't known quite how to thank him. But she knew she could trust him.

"But you shouldn't leave. You can't. Not until…"

He shook his head and quickly got back on his motorcycle, leaving her to question that which was left unspoken.


	12. Overdosed Performance: Breaking Point

18\. temptation

Overdosed Performance: Breaking Point

Another cold and lonely night, seemingly ritualistic, but Gregory House doesn't entertain such irreverent thoughts. He has learned to accept his life with a grace only cynicism can grant.

House only finds himself engrossed in vicious memories on particularly harsh nights, and this so happens to be one such night. He takes another swig of his straight rum and decides not to fight it. He will let his mind awaken to the temperament of the past.

He has been fighting it for far too long…

* * *

_Lisa Cuddy stumbled clumsily to her front steps, leaning heavily on Gregory House. Her poor choice for support and lack of reason proved to House that she was much more intoxicated than either of them realized._

_"Remind me to never drink ever again." She slurred. _

_"Alright. I promise that the next time lusting donors start offering to buy you drinks I will make it so they never want to come within ten feet of you ever again." House grunted as he shifted his weight to compensate for hers._

_"That's not what I meant!" Cuddy scolded._

_"Ok, fine, whatever, just give me your keys so I can leave you here and get home. I have to start thinking of ways to make your hangover experience completely hellish."_

_"Didn't bring 'em."_

_"Didn't bring what?"_

_"Keys."_

_House surprised himself; he was far more amused than annoyed. "And what exactly were you planning on doing once we got to your place?" _

_"'S under the planter."_

_"What? Seriously Cuddy, I don't even understand you when you're sober, you're going to have to be a lot clearer than that."_

_"I have a spare key under the plant."_

_"Oh." House picked it up and opened the door, balancing a swaying Cuddy and a cane in his hand the whole while._

_"I should have known. You always have a back-up plan."_

* * *

Lisa Cuddy feels slightly foolish standing in front of House's front door. She has been here so often recently that she wonders just what is holding her back from knocking now.

But Cuddy is not someone who would ever earn the title of dense; she is as sharp as they come. She realizes that she has come to him at this late hour for a reason, one that has been clawing at the back of her mind for months.

All she really wants is the truth.

* * *

_Neither of them was certain how it happened, but almost instantaneously they were lost. Hands grasped and tugged and pulled with a need that erupted out of some unseen desire. Lisa Cuddy's body was pressed up tightly against Gregory House and it felt eerily natural._

_He didn't moan, she didn't sigh. It wasn't magic or sparks or destiny. They were inept and rushed and hopeless. But they would not concede; they had come this far. They would push as far as they dared, challenging every edge of their temptations._

_She raised her lips to his, as if to quench her undying thirst. He caught the glazed look in her eyes and knew it had to stop._

_"Cuddy." House cut in, gently pulling her arms from his shoulders._

_"House." She shot back, almost commanding. Cuddy was used to getting what she wanted._

_He wasn't going to let it happen. Not this way._

_House was unwilling to accept that the feeling he felt wrench in his gut as he turned to leave truly was regret._

* * *

"Cuddy." Gregory House lightly mouths as if he had expected her all along.

"House, I can't –" But Lisa Cuddy stops short when he looks at her, delicate and mournful. She has never seen him quite like this before – not broken but not whole – and now she wonders if it is all a mistake.

Maybe they are not meant to ever get the timing right.

She licks her lips hesitantly, reforming and rephrasing her thoughts. He studies her and turns away in mild loathing. The sight of her standing there, immobilized by insecurity is not something he wants to see. This is not the Cuddy he knows, the Cuddy he has grown to…

"I can't keep playing these games." It comes to her swiftly, like torrential rains. "I can't keep waiting. I can't keep sitting around and wondering just what it is we have between us, House."

He eyes her suspiciously, jolted by her words.

"If you want me, then tell me you do. If not then…" She lowers her eyes. "I'll leave."

They don't even have time to think; once again they are driven by a facetious fate. House is kissing her before he can let his thoughts interrupt him, before he can allow logic and common sense to sink in.

He tastes like a forgotten hope, an abandoned ideal. A lost memory from a broken dream.

Why had it taken them so long?

She breaks the kiss, almost afraid to look him in the eye. Cuddy is surprised to find the hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"I like you better when you're sober." House mumbles into her hair.

She cannot say she disagrees.


End file.
